People often say that it takes courage to pursue your dreams later in life, to give up something you’ve been doing to follow the unknown. They say the courageous step is in taking that first plunge. The decision to follow your instinct against all odds. Once done, everything will fall into place. But, the truth has never been further. Courage is not just taking the plunge, but in finding it every day to paddle through to not drown. Nobody knows this because nobody talks about this.
Imagine growing your career to reach a level where you get to call the shots, and then voluntarily end it. Followed by sinking to an abysmal bottom, slowly piecing your way to pursue what you truly want, and starting from the bottom of the rung all over again. As daunting as it sounds, the saddest thing is that no one will get this. No one to relate to because A) if you do what you do at a later stage in life, the others who started with you are not on the same path as you anymore, and B) only a person who has gone through a similar thing will understand, and nobody else. Nobody…
The biggest of the biggest problems is the lack of someone who you can connect with. Just someone of your vibes, who at least vaguely gets what you are going through. Nada! And, sometimes, you feel that “ok, this could be the person I can gel with” until you are shown your place. You then realise your age, retract and try to make peace at your wit’s end. For this reason, I long for weekends. Not because it’s work off, but because I need my peeps to unwind. The wavelengths are so jammed during the week, you need to untangle it at the end in order to armour up for the following week.
The kind of expectations differ too. I believe that with time and experience, one picks up virtues of patience, empathy, and intuitiveness, and you automatically look for that in everyone around. Big mistake. The sooner you realise not everyone picks the same traits, the sooner it is to accept the situation. But, having been a person who still lives by the “be nice” principle, you secretly wish the favour returns through some cosmic sparks.
When you have a bad day, you sort of shrug it off and move on, but it’s a whole new ball game when you have a bad day in your mid-30s after a major career switch. Having worked as a perfectionist and ambitious workaholic in the past, the lousy days today only bring self-doubts, life dilemmas and the vital question of: “What did I sign up for?”
I have always respected people who have gone against all odds. Now I have a notch more adulation for those who make the jump at a later age and keep moving to get to wherever they want to be. It’s challenging, and only they know about it.
I am sure there are tons like me and probably tons who wish to go against the norm to follow their passion. One must understand that the struggle is real, the path is lonely, and the destination unknown. I wish I had known this earlier. But, even if I did, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would have done it anyway.
So, what’s the thing that pushes you?
Despite all the uncertainty, I wear that smile and keep moving every day because I have full conviction of why I chose this. This is what I want to do, and I will find my strength to push past every obstacle. The more arduous the path, the more gratification.
Remember the dialogue Rocky Balboa has with his son? “It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”
Amen.
