You have lived almost half your life. That’s when you realize you haven’t gotten anywhere. It’s usually around the birthday time when you reflect on your life. You’re alone. Maybe, not literally, but you sort of are: emotionally. There isn’t really a scenario recap where you would have done things differently, but you sort of wish things would have happened differently.
Your opportunities and liveliness of your 20’s don’t exist. You are morose yet mature to an extent where compromises are out the window. You won’t settle, simply because no one seems worthy. You have reached this juncture in life for a reason hence you will not bow down to desperation or conformity. The end result- you keep striving for change without an end point in sight.
The struggle seems never ending. You believe the world is unfair. If you believe you have been a good person, you then question the unfairness of the situation you are in. You’ll start focussing on your flaws and blame yourself for the life you are leading. While doing so, you are pulling yourself further down into the hole of despair.
Even if you are not the kind who is affected by other’s lives or choices, there will be weak moments where you witness others and wish things were different for yourself. Though they lead absolutely different lives (far from what you do), yet, sometimes (like a teeny-tiny time), you wish you had elements of what others have. Your manifestation of failures are triggered during those weak moments. Once triggered, the slideshow of your messed up life is clearer than ever. Certain truths that you have been trying to bury deep inside your minds, are now hard to contain. These thoughts have superseded your ability to control them (even via meds). Your sad life lies bare.
Isn’t it time that you got a break? Don’t we deserve it? Apart from thinking aloud these questions, you don’t know what else to do.The only way you can pull yourselves during such times is by focussing on what you have. It could be your loving family, a loving person, supportive friends, a trustworthy mentor, or your cute pet. There would be someone or the other worth pushing yourselves for. You can be grateful even for that one tiny thing which is going well in your life. It’s the only ray of hope during such times. So, hold on to it, and if you can somehow muster courage, believe that things will fall in place…eventually…
