I am dedicating this article to my friend. I have tried my best to retell a narration with a bit of ‘spice’ of one of her travel experiences. I could vividly picture it when she told me and was laughing hysterically. It would have been amazing if it was represented via a cartoon strip, but sadly, I am only a writer.
My friend was travelling with a large family to attend her husband’s brother’s wedding. They booked a large bus for the group and were headed to a place that required close to nine hours of journey. The wedding location was in a small town, and the journey involved traversing through unknown villages and small towns. The kind where you need to mentally and physically prepare for any ill-fortune that may pop-up or ‘pop-out’. The husband’s extended family was the overly gracious, pampering kind who wished my friend ate all the time. If she was seen without food in her mouth, they would be dejected. Hence, they would be hovering around her, forcing to eat anything available. She would politely decline in most instances and make peace.
During mid-noon, they stopped at a restaurant on the highway. It was lunch time and it was a decent place for refreshments. They each had a simple rice/chapati meal (a staple during highway lunches) and continued the journey. Now is when, the fun (not-so-fun for her) part began. You see, my friend has a stomach that is as sensitive as the depressed me. Anything can trigger a catastrophe. Having lived abroad for the last few years, her stomach was accustomed to a plain, no masala diet. So, when on vacation in India, there were a lot of adjustments to be made. It’s just that your tummy does not understand this when you are travelling on the highway in the middle of god-knows-where, and it was least accommodative. Now, usually, say, you are on a road trip in a car or bike, you have only a few people to inconvenience if you suddenly stop. But, when you are with a busload of people, stopping in the middle of nowhere to relieve yourself is like spotting a celebrity. It is news and it travels fast! My friend thought she could push it (the situation), but the tummy was not in sync with her plan. The bus had to be stopped. But, where?!
It is hard to find restrooms on the highway. Almost impossible, based on your travel route. Restaurants are the only place where you can stop. Turns out there was nothing in sight. She searched on google but in vain, and all they could do was look for anything close to a food joint. By now, the tension had built (in every sense). The driver was informed about stopping at any place that could possibly house a toilet, and the co-passengers mumbled, ‘What’s happening?’, because they only heard about stopping the bus. From far away, my friend and her husband spotted a small dhaba (a roadside food stall). It wasn’t fancy for obvious reasons but that was the only hope. As soon as the bus screeched to a halt, my friend ran out. On enquiring, the dhaba guy pointed to a far off, small, closed, shed-like kind of a room. That was her destination. She contemplated if she was that desperate to use it but she had no choice. Either this, or the bushes. She chose the closed door. Now folks, I don’t need to describe how pathetic a highway toilet can be, let alone a small shed of a dhaba. Dirty, dilapidated and disgusting! But, hey, it had running water! To make things worse, it had an Indian water closet- the kind where you need to completely squat. Oh, and I forgot to mention, my friend was recovering from a knee surgery. Ta-dah! Quite a pickle, eh? The next part was graphic but I am going to omit a lot of details. I can only say that certain actions involved poses resembling the words – dog and fire hydrant.
When the business was done, the tough part was to get back into the bus. By now, the family – the oldies, the kids, everyone were sticking their heads out their windows. If the bus had a sunroof, you would have had a few people jutting out from there too. There was nothing to see, just a woman who had a good poop, walking back to her bus. She couldn’t gesture a ‘thumbs-up’ or shout ‘Success!’ This wasn’t social media nor had she written an exam. She climbed onto the bus with plenty of eyes trying to read her face. In short, everyone knew everything and a lot of them were concerned and asked if she was ok. Let’s just say, everyone was ‘relieved’ (my friend, too). The journey continued, and nobody asked her to eat anything throughout the trip. I hope she dined at the wedding.
Of course, she did. There were clean toilets.
