Let’s talk about anger. How often have we gone ‘Hulk-level’ green? Big and beastly, growling and ready to destroy. An emotion so common and most controllable, yet, we lose control with ease. It feels like the shackles are not ours to control, and without a blink, we can point to someone else for turning into a big, mean, angry being. ‘It’s not me, it’s you!’
When someone says, “I can’t control my anger,” they are probably telling the truth. It’s an acknowledgement that they are short-tempered, angry most of the time, and that it’s unmanageable. Does it mean that they can get away without facing any consequences? Because, you know, they can’t control it. Obviously, no! Wish it was that easy. Sigh!
Why is it that when faced with situations that pisses us off, some can remain calm in total ‘Zen’ mode while others go ballistic? Why can’t we all exhibit composure? Simply, because we are wired differently and we grow up differently.
Let’s talk about the latter. Haven’t we heard of how our life experiences change us as an individual? (I quote that a lot in my articles). Some experiences breed anger in us. Emotions- they have the capability to control us. The most destructive one (when it comes to relationships) is anger. It does no good and only ruins things. A person brought up in a loud and angry environment, tends to exhibit anger as they grow up. A person who grows up suppressing emotions of all kinds, the ones that bottle up everything, also tends to be overcome with rage in their life. These conditions are not mandatory to make one go berserk, but they do largely influence.
To talk about the ‘wired differently’ part, I blame genetics. If your parents are short-tempered, chances are you’ll manifest the same demeanor. Your innate personality has anger genes and there’s nothing much you can do about it. You’ll choose the ‘Hulk path’. Smash!
I’m not going to talk about ‘age induced anger’ where you become a grumpy old, angry man/woman. That’s a whole different genre. That’s inevitable anger and there’s no point advising them or arguing with them. (Are you listening, Dad? )
Anger is a common emotion which cannot be avoided all the time, however, regular fits of anger is detrimental to your health and well-being. It ruins relationships and can even lead to physical harm not just to yourself but also to the ones around you, especially the loved ones. There’s a lot at stake when you are unable to control anger. In scenarios of constant outbursts, you don’t realize the damage you are incurring. Only, when it’s too late do you wish you had tamed yourself. So, let’s not try to get there, shall we?
Is there any way to control anger? There are few, such as, ‘count to 10’, ‘take deep breaths’ or ‘squish those smiley stress balls’ methods. But, how effective are they? Are they just some flimsy self-help tactics? In my opinion. It never works. The reason we unleash wrath is because we lose control of ourselves and emotions. In this state of uncontrollable emotion, how am I going to make myself count till 10?! If I could make my mind do that, I’ll make my mind let go of anger! It’s a paradoxical situation of sorts. I will suggest one thing, though. It’s no easy thing but it has helped. Walking away. You can tell yourself to hold onto the anger so that you can unleash it elsewhere. You can do this by walking away from situations where your anger is held by a loose thread. Walk away to someplace where you can scream your lungs out, break inconsequential things or even better, walk till your mind calms on its own. No one needs to see it. It’s a win-win. You get to be angry and you avoid a cataclysmic event. So, walk away… scream into a pillow. No one has to know! By following this method, with time, you’ll probably get bored of individual theatrics because you have no audience. It might get boring and you’ll probably learn to master your rage.
I know it’s easier said than done but worth a shot, though. Don’t you think?
